Bittersweet Holidays

'Tis the season to be with family, friends, drink hot cocoa (Kahlua optional) and eat turkey.  'Tis the season to celebrate Jesus also.  I choose Jesus this year because he is with my family, and my family is with him.  Why not celebrate the holidays with my Mom, Marilyn; my Dad, Bob;, my Grandpa, Ernie; my Nana, Bella (she was Bella before the twilight saga was even cool); My Aunt Jeana, Uncle Ernie, Uncle Eddie and Aunt Hilda and my new baby angel Cameryn (keep it simple).  I am sad an awful lot as people shop for gifts for their loved ones, and I can only shop in my heart.  (Mental note, its a good thing because I can't even heat my home without public assistance)

They say Jesus is the reason for the season.  Now I'm no holy roller, but I believe my family is up there.  I KNOW they are.  Now I miss having Grandpa over for Turkey Dinner, and going to pick him up.  I miss Nana and her "extra" gifts behind Grandpa's back =)  I miss my Aunt Jeana and her warm cozy crocheted and knitted slippers, and Uncle Ernie and the Finches, Mickey and Mouse.  I miss my Dad's monstrous package that I always had to pick up from the post office and the video on Nantucket.  But there is nothing like my Mom.  There's no one like her; there never will be.

Black Friday was awesome with Mom.  She'd send me out to get gifts for my Sis, Kelly.  We'd scope the ads on Thanksgiving Night, and she would call me her "Elf" and send me on my way at 4am.  I was sleeping at 4am this year.  I had nothing to buy.  I had no money to buy.  And even if I didn't have money to buy, Mom would make sure that I did so I could enjoy Black Friday and get my spirits up for the impending holiday.  Not this year.  Nothing. 

She'd call upon her Elf to help her wrap gifts, yes, sometimes my own gifts tucked away in boxes so I'd still smile on Christmas Morning.  She always had a way to get Kelly and I everything we ever wanted and more.  One year she asked me if I would like a printer, an MP3 player, or a Red Sox shirt for my "big present", and I got all 3.  No matter what, her life was 100% dedicated to Kelly and I.  I wish she had taken a moment for herself.  But she wanted us around.  She never wanted us gone.

From newborn until her passing last Mother's Day weekend, we were the center of her life.  She was the breadwinner.  She made sure everything happened.  She raised two DRUG FREE college graduates, one with a Master's in Chemistry.    SHE did it on her own.  My father helped out, but not for long, and even gave her all the credit when Carol (my dad's wife) approached her and told her so posthumously.  If it wasn't for her, I'd not even be close to who I am today. 

So, this year, I will say Happy Birthday Jesus, because you are with my family, and they are rejoicing.